My Desire

"My Desire" (僕のヨクボウ) is the hundredth and first chapter of the Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign manga series, written by Takaya Kagami and illustrated by Yamato Yamamoto.

Synopsis
Mika orders Yu to get the kids outside before acquiring a knife and stabbing Asuramaru repeatedly. Asuramaru sees Mika's deepest fear, that he was responsible for his family's deaths. He adds that Mika's deepest desire was to have someone blame him for that so Asuramaru means to have him murder his family now.

Yu hears Mika call to him and intends to save him. Guren and Mahiru consider how Mika should have no memories and that it could be one of Shikama Doji's traps. Shinoa is still containing the first so as Guren has the spell circle activated he announces they are to save Mika as family. Guren insists that Mika is a demon who has forgotten Yu and will try and possess him.

As Mika finishes the illusionary Yu he is blamed for their family's deaths. Asuramaru joins Mikaela outside with Gekkouin and Kiseki-o and states they won. Asuramaru has heard the first will awaken soon so they set about binding Mikaela before he can recover. Hearing Yu speak to him Asuramaru presses them to hurry before Yu ruptures out of his chest and reaches towards Mikaela.

Summary
With Asuramaru before them, Mika and the illusionary Yu yell for each other to run. When Asuramaru threatens to kill them, Mika pushes Yu away and tells him to get the kids outside. As the Yu does that, Asuramaru speaks to Mika about how desire and fear are two sides of the same coin and wonders what it will take to bring out that deepest desire hiding within Mika's heart. Acquiring a kitchen knife, Mika proceeds to stab into Asuramaru. He is unhurt but he can see Mika's fear and that he is too weak to protect his family. A vision of Yu shouting at him that it was his fault as to why their orphanage family died unsettles Mika. Mika asks whether they are dead because of him.

Asuramaru claims that Mika's deepest desire is to have someone blame him. Suggesting they re-create that, Asuramaru means to have Mika kill his family here and now. Taking him by the arms down the corridor, Asuramaru disregards Mika telling him to stop and says it is what he wants. These last eight years Mika has desperately wanted to blame himself and to excoriate himself as the one who killed his family. As the illusionary Yu rouses the rest of the illusionary family from their sleep for them to run away he sees a silhouette of Mika with horns approach. Entering the room, Mika raises the knife and cries that he does not want to kill them. His body will not stop and Mika shouts for Yu to help.

As he draws a section of the spell circle Yu alerts everyone that Mika is in trouble. Guren answers that they already know yet Yu discloses that he heard Mika calling for him. Mitsuba and Yoichi are surprised with Guren and Mahiru even more so. With demons losing their memories when they are born, Mahiru feels that Mika could not possibly remember Yu and she suspects this could be a trap by Shikama Doji. After answering Guren that she has her memories because of a special spell to turn herself into a demon was used instead of the normal way, Mahiru is against Guren's suggestion that they stop the plan as this could be a trap designed to get them to do just that.

Guren shouts at Shinoa on whether Shikama Doji is still asleep. Replying that he is trying to awaken, in her mind Shinoa keeps Shikama Doji down by holding her scythe in his back. Unsure of how much longer she can keep it up, Shinoa confirms that she has the first asleep for now. Guren asks Mahiru for her thoughts yet she has no idea. If this is messed up they will be stuck cursing fate and wondering what they spent the last twenty four years doing. With that possibility Mahiru says she will leave it up to her Prince Charming.

Yu has had enough of all the talking, with Mika calling for him he will go wherever he is. The spell circle is activated and those gathered including Kimizuki and Krul witness the sharp light emitted from the outlines. Drawing their attention Guren announces that the Guren squad's basic educational policy is no matter how wrong it is they always take care of their family. Accordingly even if it is the wrong answer they are going to save Mikaela. Asking how he is to reach him Yu hears from Guren that Mika is a demon who has forgotten all about him. When Yu raises that Mika called out to him Guren reiterates what he said and continues that it is just like when Yu got Asuramaru to submit, Mika will attack him as a human. Guren adds if Yu loses Mika will possess him.

Voicing that Mika possessing him would be a good thing Yu entertains the idea that him taking over his body will allow Mika to come back to life. Guren responds that if Mika possesses him Yu will disappear. Asking Yu is he thinks Mika would want that, Guren also details if Mika killed Yu to come back to life would he want to go on. Yu gets it, that they take care of their family. Yu is reminded that he counts as part of that family and Guren says for him to take better care of himself. Yoichi agrees and Mitsuba instructs Yu to not let himself get possessed. From where she is sat Shinoa adds that should Yu end up dying then she would cry. Krul does not appear too impressed with the display as Kimizuki then encourages Yu to get in there and subdue that demon.

After the huddle Yu assumes he is to take Mika's sword situated in the centre of the spell circle. Warning that Mika would be more powerful than any black demon as the first's son, Guren advises Yu to give it his all. Sure he would be fine Yu states that he has this big of a family now. Announcing that it is time to rescue Mika, Yu says aloud how Mika should get ready since he is coming to save him before taking ahold of the sword hilt.

Mika's orphanage family lay still around him before Mika uses the knife to stab into Yu. As Yu speaks that it is all Mika's fault he affirms it. Saying he is sorry, Mika adds he always fails and can never save anyone. Asuramaru observes the scene before stepping outside to comment on the gruesome mass murder contrasted with the beautiful night sky. Mikaela is crouched nearby and is crying. Gekkouin and Kiseki-o around him nearby are joined by Asuramaru who asserts that they win. Kiseki-o moves them to get Mikaela bound before he can recover. Gekkouin asks about the first's status and Asuramaru shares that he has received word he will awake soon.

The three black demons surround Mikaela with their hands over him. Asuramaru reacts to Yu's voice on why he is picking on his Mika. Thinking that someone might try and interrupt them, Asuramaru presses them to hasten. Reminded that he was told to quit Asuramaru is asked whether he is trying to get kicked out of Yu's family. After shouting for them to hurry Asuramaru finds his arm detached. From an incision in Asuramaru's chest Yu bursts out and contends he is here to save Mika as he moves to seize Mikaela.

Chapter Notes

 * Yu and Mikaela are featured on the chapter cover and would meet towards the end of the chapter.
 * After Asuramaru says he will kill them he instead makes Mika carry out the murders of his orphanage family.
 * Mika's deepest fear is that he is too weak to defend his family and his deepest desire is to have someone blame him for their deaths according to Asuramaru.
 * The entity imitating Yu wakes up other children which would be a part of itself or its own illusions.
 * This being sees a shadow of Mika with horns. If this was not a figurative illustration for readers to see the demonic influence behind Mika since Asuramaru was controlling him it may be how one demon sees another's influence over someone. Regardless, in the form of Yu and others it acts happy to see Mika despite what it saw beforehand.
 * Yu alone could hear Mika call to him from the world he awoke in after an explosion enveloped his body.
 * Both Guren and Mahiru were surprised to hear Yu's account as they are under the impression that this should not be possible since they believe Mika has become a demon who had lost his memories.
 * With demons losing all their memories when they are born Guren asks at that moment why Mahiru still has her own. Mahiru elucidates that she retains her memories since she used 'a special spell' to turn herself into a demon in lieu of the regular way.
 * Mahiru suspects that Mika's voice being heard could be a trap by Shikama Doji. Stopping their plan involving the spell circle could be another desired outcome from another trap. Although she is cautious Mahiru leaves the decision to Guren. After checking that Shikama Doji is contained Guren resumes a plan twenty four years in the making by striving to have Mika turned into cursed gear.
 * Shinoa can keep Shikama Doji restrained by concentrating on keeping her scythe embedded in his back.
 * The spell circle is seen with additional glyphs on the outside of the collective circles. A piercing light radiates upwards from the creation when it is activated.
 * Guren delivers a speech how no matter how wrong it is they always take care of family. Even if it is the wrong answer Guren declares that they are going to save Mika. He still regards him as a demon without memories, even after Yu heard Mika's voice. Guren 'saving' Mika by having him bound to a weapon would decidedly not be something good as Kimizuki articulated in Chapter 99. Then if it was not Guren's sincere way of helping then his speech could have been a successful act of deception.
 * Mahiru voiced that it was a good decision that Guren said they were to save Mikaela. She may have meant it could be good for Mika's wellbeing or that Mahiru understands Guren's true goal of progressing their plan.
 * In response to Guren's declaration to save Mika as family Krul voices 'Ugh. Stupid.' Mika is one of the few that Krul has a favourable opinion of, and in addition the concept of saving family, namely her brother Ashera, is a major driving force for her. It may be a case that Krul is sharing her view on the enthusiasm that others are showing in response to Guren's plan where Krul sees it as disingenuous.
 * Rather than blindly being swayed by what Guren says Yu questions whether Mika is a demon who has forgotten about him when he called his name. Yu expresses further skepticism when it comes to him being possessed and was fine with Mika taking over his body to come back to life.
 * Guren is aware of the depth of Yu and Mika's connection and uses it in a case to discourage Yu from getting possessed. He poses the scenario of whether Yu or Mika would want to go on in the event that they caused the other to die.
 * Mika murders illusions of his orphanage family including Yu where he is blamed for their deaths. It is unknown what would happen to the illusionary Yu or whether this scenario was a separate illusion produced by Asuramaru.
 * Mikaela did not reach the house in time and was crying over what occurred.
 * Though some means and at some point Asuramaru alone has been notified that Shikama Doji will awake soon.
 * Asuramaru, Gekkouin and Kiseki-o intended to bind Mikaela while they thought he was weakened.
 * Yu referred to Mika as 'his'.
 * With Asuramaru acting the way he was Yu questioned whether he wanted to be killed or kicked out of his family. Even with Yu possibly arriving Asuramaru proceeded to try and bind Mikaela.
 * The spell circle and Mika's sword was seemingly involved in Yu's capabilities of reaching the world where Mika was, and being able to cut apart a black demon and emerge from Asuramaru's body.
 * Guren's words regarding Yu allowing Mika to kill him to come back into the world, and whether he would want to go on are recollected by Yu in Chapter 103.

Characters
List of characters in order of appearance:

Gallery
Manga panels provide a visual overview of the events of chapter 101 with depictions of the characters, Seraph of the End world and scenarios.